Hiyori's Worse than Dinosaurs (According to Shinji)
by Kenzie Perth
Summary: It's Shinji's fault, that's for sure. Shinji's fault, that is, that Hiyori is stuck on a dinosaur-infested island with a bunch of idiots who can't see past their own nose. As if Hollows weren't enough.


**A/N: Inspired by my annoyances at the Lost World (which, if you didn't remember, is the second Jurassic Park movie.) Don't own, don't care.**

 **And I'm sorry if I wrote Hiyori wrong. I haven't written her character a lot before, and I spent a good hour and a half watching the flashback episodes to get a sense of her character. (It totally wasn't an excuse to watch Bleach. What are you talking about?)**

 **Not my best writing, either, but whatever. Enjoy, and review if you want to make my day.**

* * *

Hiyori didn't know how she had gotten on the island. She didn't really care. She had something a lot more important to deal with.

Dinosaurs. Freakin' _Dinosaurs._ (Which totally deserves to be capitalized, thank you very much.) Oh, brickhead Shinji was in so much trouble when she got back.

(At least they weren't Hollows, though.)

First, though, she had to focus on getting back, and more importantly, getting all the other idiot humans back.

And by idiot, she meant dumber than Strawberry, which was quite a feat.

What idiot in their right minds would pick up an injured Tyrannosaurus Rex baby and take it back to their encampment, knowing full well that both parents were out somewhere looking for it?

Someone had almost died saving their lives for that – she hadn't gotten the man's name, but she respected him for his bravery nevertheless – shunpo had been the only reason she had gotten there in time, and that wasn't easy in a gigai.

But someone had to take charge of the group now, and since the rest of them were idiot-brained lunatics who'd decided it would be fun to vacation on an island full of giant reptiles, it would have to be her.

Well, it gave her an excuse to yell.

"All right, brickheads!" She planted her feet on top of the car hood, standing tall above the milling confusion.

Several people looked scandalized at her language.

"We need to form up if you idiots are going to survive! So SHUT UP and LISTEN!" The last sentence was directed at the bespectacled man giving whispered orders to people who were obviously lackeys.

A trembling hand in the front was raised. "Erm... Uh... Who are you?" His hand and question were batted aside by someone with more self-preservation instinct.

The man, who had a leather jacket, an annoyed aura, and a trembling girl tucked under his arm, hissed quietly, "She took out a T-Rex with a flip-flop. Don't argue."

Hiyori smirked in satisfaction. Then she turned back and began to yell instructions. "This is how it's going to work! We are going to form up, walking in formation to keep eyes on all sides! At night, when we camp, two people will take watch at a time for two-hour shifts! No wandering off! If you have to use the bathroom, go no farther than five feet away from the camp, making sure that at least two people know you've gone! No unnecessary provoking the dinosaurs! AND NO KIDNAPPING THEM, EITHER!" She had seen the glasses-idiot's glances at the unconscious Tyrannosaurus.

And slowly, silently, the group began to form up.

* * *

Well, never mind that. There was no doubt about it. These people were _much_ stupider than Strawberry.

She confronted the woman early on. "What are you doing in that coat?"

The scientist looked confused. (Honestly, wasn't she supposed to be smart?) "What do you mean?"

"I mean that you're going to bring the dinosaurs down on our head with that coat. Take it off."

The woman removed it, albeit grudgingly.

"And while you're at it, try and clean off the mess on on your cheek." Hiyori stalked off to go torture someone else.

* * *

One dinosaur, knocked out with the patented Hiyori Double-Kick? Check.

One extremely scared idiot? Check.

This was annoying.

Time to get moving.

* * *

Velociraptors. Nothing could ever be simple, could it?

"Hold this." And then, without ceremony, Hiyori dumped the gigai into Leather-Jacket's arms. He stared down at it in shock, then horror – and then looked up at Hiyori in Shinigami form.

Well, crap. It seemed like someone had some spiritual pressure. She'd let Rukia know.

So Hiyori gave him a glare and then ran off into the long grass, leaving him to gape in shock.

The group watched the grass trails as a rather large on made its way quickly through the grass, kicking up, at random intervals, Velociraptors, which flew to the far side of the grassy area and landed, one by one, in a bemused pile.

It would have been comical if the situation wasn't so ridiculous.

The ghostly Hiyori made her way back out of the grass and kind of, well, floated into the body in Leather-Jacket's grip. She grunted, then looked up at his utterly baffled face, and then said, "Way's clear. Let's go." She struggled out of his arms. "What are you idiots looking at? I said, let's go!" And without further ado, she stormed out through the field and past the pile of Velociraptors without looking back.

* * *

More damn Velociraptors. This was getting old. (At least her sandal was getting a good workout, though.)

The helicopter ride back was awkward, to say the least. Stupid dinosaurs. Glasses-idiot had almost managed to smuggle one of the Tyrannosauruses back. Hiyori and her kick had set him straight rather quickly.

* * *

"Yo Hiyori." Shinji was sitting on the rooftop like usual. "Where've ya been?"

"None of your business, baldy." There was no real venom in her words. Hiyori drooped past him, head down and ponytails sagging.

Shinji watched her walk past, then grinned. It seemed as if the little vacation he had planned had worked out well.


End file.
